I opened up, asked for help, got some info and I just can’t go down that road. So, I’m making a deliberate (bad) decision to pretend like everything is fine, cover up the pain in a couple not great ways and slowly watch myself fade away. Completely self sabotage and that’s this stage in my cycle.
It’s sad that society looks down on suicide. Why would we force someone to live in constant pain rather then letting them find peace. It perplexes me, are we as individuals allowed control of our bodies. What harm is caused when I choose to take my life? The danger is created when you live in torture pretending to fulfill a socialized idea; you begin to slip into madness. Seeds of hate, bitterness, rage, and terror take root. I fear reaping these fruits for they effect others. How many monsters are created on the influence of generalized normality? Why do we deem someone worthy of death after they’ve committed murder and yet if that same person attempts to kill themselves we force them to live? Now 27 I know my death will be at my own hands or a monster awakens. I choose my personal happiness; death.